I'm Back!

It's been a while since I checked out this old blog and looking back at everything makes me laugh. I'm going through a time machine reading through all of these posts laughing at how descriptive and how open I was. Back then, I swore like I had protective enchantments whenever I talked shit about people I hated. Though I had alot of hate in this blog, I don't regret one bit of anything I blogged about. And that is the only reason why this shit is still here. I want to be able to look back at this someday and laugh at how foolish I was..days like today haha.

Update:
- I'm still in Junior College. I'm going into my 3rd year of college in a few days. This Junior College shit has been a hard fought battle and right now I'm losing. I have a freakin 2.5 gpa because that laziness from high school carried on to today. Don't worry I'm going to make strides this semester, I'm gaining motivation.

-Nursing major still. I still love helping people emotionally and spiritually. I feel called to invest in a career that helps people physically as well. I love feeling like a hero in someone's life.

- I'm so anti-cross training now. Well, I mean I love facilitating teens and enriching my faith and everything, but that turned into a popularity contest in my last full year of cross training (which was in 2010). People started playing favorites and being shady towards others and that is something I didn't want to be a part of. I felt like I didn't belong there anymore because I've never done a talk or something. I know the ministry is not for the sole purpose of social reasons and I understand that, but I'm pretty damn sure that's why people left. I'm pretty sure people are still annoyed of the public affirmations on facebook that make others feel like shit, I am for sure.

Now with all of that up in the air, I was in a hiatus during the 2010-2011 season. I kept thinking about my future career and didn't want the ministry to set me back because of it. I did not want to end up staying in cross training for like 6 years+ and watch my friends get married, graduate, enter the priesthood/sisterhood, etc. I didn't want to be on the sidelines watching my friends succeed while I'm still in the same spot. Yes, I have seen this happen before and I felt like that was where I was headed if I didn't focus on school.

For almost all of fall semester I didn't go to any events and only went to 2 meetings. I "came back" during the 2nd half of the season, but only to eventually use it as a social and spiritual crutch. I was able to make it on the retreat roster for may though and that was quite an experience since I didn't see any action the whole season. I had a really great group of guys.

But now, I feel like it's time for me to move on. I want to grow my faith further and test it without going through the same repetitive motions and listening to the same stories over and over. I don't want my faith to be based upon "feelings."

- On another note, I was in choir last year haha. I was in Fullerton College's Concert Choir. It gave me the boost I needed for college. I made some great friends and memories and sang some beautiful compositions. Event though I wasn't able to afford the Austria/Germany tour with them, it was great to have joined a choir again. As you're probably thinking, I'm not returning to choir as well. It's an indefinite pause, I need to push myself towards my career in nursing. No distractions, just school. I don't know when I'll be in a choir next but if that chapter in my life is truly over, it's been quite a ride. I am still close friends with some of the people I met over the years in ayala choir and I thank roddy for all of that. I wouldn't have met them if it wasn't for him.

-Girls. Well, I honestly haven't felt interested in anyone since senior year. No one has really been catching my eye or given me the strength to actually try to spit game. I'm just going with the flow, not really searching for anyone at the moment.

-Alcohol. I still don't fully understand it's purpose sometimes. I don't really understand why people need to drink every time they're with their friends. I mean I understand drinking as a social stimulant, but it's ridiculous when people start depending on it to make everything fun. I go to disneyland sober, I go to the beach sober, I go bowling sober, etc. Honestly, life isn't boring without alcohol and if it is for you maybe you're hanging out with the wrong crowd. I don't need any substance to make my life full, that's where God, my friends, and family come in

-Picking up off of that, I am nowhere near perfect. I'm not implying that I think I'm any better than anyone else. I don't think highly of myself just because I don't do drugs or anything.

btw here's my newer tumblr: suckmydiction.tumblr.com